A good friend said to me recently,
Relationships can be confusing and frustrating and all of those things, but that usually stems from some illusion that things are expected to be a certain way. When you relax and let the universe show you just what you need, it usually ends up okay.
Over the past 2 months, I have been immersed into this world of learning about de-expectating my life. Yup. De-expectating. Spread that word around folks, I just made it up.
Expectations really are the killer of reality, aren’t they? You buy into this illusion that you are to expect circumstances in your life to pan out they way it occured in so-and-so’s life or how it happened for you 3 years ago. What that does to you, however, is it blinds you to the reality that truly, each thing, each circumstance–each person that graces your life is unique and is to be dealt as so.
That has been one of the most difficult things for me to grasp. I am a person who likes to control my life as much as I can so setting up expectations from my experiences in the past has been a great way to prepare myself for what is to come. Unfortunately I am realizing what an illusion that has been for me. The only thing expectations has given me is constant disappointment and a false sense of what is truly going on.
Learning to let go and relax is going to be a long life lesson for me (…and thanks to Rose, I know I will have many years to practice). Already it has been a pain in my ass because it can be so painful at times. Have you ever seen your “stuff” (crazy train thinking/actions) come out and try not to do anything about it (ie: fix it, ignore it, drink until it goes away)? Have you ever seen a glimpse of your neurotic nature and just said “Hello again” and tried not to judge yourself for being too controlling, too needy, too naive for falling for the same pattern, too crazy in the head?
It’s one of the most courageous, scariest, most frightening, empowering, messiest things you can ever do for your self. I dare you to try it, even if it is just for a few seconds that you look at yourself without judgment and just allow yourself to be. No expectations of who you think you should be, where you think your life should have been at this point, or how you think others should react towards you.
Just relax and breathe. It usually ends up okay in the end.
Inspired by Everyday Raw Desserts
Print
No-Bake Apple Cobbler
- Prep Time: 10 mins
- Cook Time: 1 min
- Total Time: 11 mins
- Yield: 2 Apple Cobblers 1x
Ingredients
For the Cobbler:
- 1/4 c. almonds
- 1/4 c. macadamia nuts
- 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
- pinch of nutmeg
- 2 dates, chopped
- 2 Tbsp. water
- 1 Tbsp. coconut oil, melted
- splash of vanilla extract
For apples:
- 1 apple, thinly sliced
- Juice of 1 lemon (approx. 1/4 c.)
- 3 Tbsp. agave nectar
- 1 tsp. cinnamon
- pinch of nutmeg
Instructions
- Pulse nuts and spices together until chunky. Remove and place into a medium bowl. Place dates, water, coconut oil and vanilla into the blender and mix until smooth. Add into nut mix in the bowl until fully combined.
- Allow the apple to soak for a few minutes in a bath of lemon juice, agave, cinnamon, and nutmeg.
- Microwave apples in juice in safe bowl for 45 seconds. In an individual dish, place a layer of the nut mixture on the bottom. Top with layers of the apple slices. Top with remainder of the nut mixture. If you want it more warm, place in microwave for another 30 seconds.
Nutrition
- Serving Size: 1
- Calories: 327
- Sugar: 16g
- Sodium: 6mg
- Fat: 25g
- Saturated Fat: 8g
- Carbohydrates: 25g
- Fiber: 7g
- Protein: 5g
Cara, I’m grateful that I took the time to read your inspiring words about expectations. Usually I skip all that and head straight for the recipe! Well I too have been very haunted by the expectations I have created. I guess that I had thought them necessary for my happiness and the progress of my relationship. It’s wonderful to know that there is someone else out there experiencing the exact kind of frustrations that I have!! Thank you so much for writing as you did. I hope that you will have a sunny and beautiful life.
Saludos
Thank you SO MUCH for not only taking the time to read this post but then to thoughtfully respond, Renee. I really appreciate that and I am so happy to hear that what I had to say resonated with your current feelings! Much love to you!!
Why go through all the trouble to eat raw and healthy only to totally kill all the nutrients by microwaving it? :/
Considering that it is only 45 seconds in the microwave, I don’t really think that is killing everything. And even if it was, I’m okay with it because you have to indulge every once in a while 🙂
Actually no, that’s not true. Less than one second kills all the enzymes and nutrients. Microwaves are Never ok.
Cara –
Let me first say that I truly appreciate this recipe and all of the effort you have taken to put come up with clean and healthy recipes which are good for us, even if they can be considered desserts, lol!!
I too, could not for the life of me understand why you would take this lovely recipe and all of the effort you put into it and then suggest we use a microwave??? It is you choice if you wish to use them, although, I wish I had never bought one. I cringe at the thought of just heating anything in it that I gave to my children!!! Here is an article that you might find interesting, I hope you do because it explains so much as to why microwaves are so bad. Again, I am not trying to come down on you what so ever and the ultimate decision of whether or not you continue to use a microwave is up to you. I will still appreciate your recipes and use them although I will alter mine by using stainless steel cookware on top of the stove as it only takes a minute longer to do it the conventional way. Have a blessed day!!
http://naturalsociety.com/microwaves/
Aquareo –
I was just starting to write “love the recipe, can’t wait to try it” and then I saw the microwave part. This recipe had me at “hello” yet lost me at “microwave.” I look at using the microwave as using poison. It devalues our food, removes nutrients and destroys the internal makeup of our foods. I stopped using mine almost a year ago, although I wish I stopped using it long ago!!!
So very true Cara! It took me a long time to relax and breathe, but I suppose one could say it finally came with age. It was just too exhausting to be disappointed all the time. Now things happen the way they’re meant too, sometimes with a little push from me, but always with a calm heart and open mind. 🙂 Love the no bake apple cobblers!! Yummy!
Yummo, Cara, Yummo.
These days, I am more relaxed (funny, I get more relaxed AFTER having a child!) and kinda just go with the flow…. it’s nice, and I like myself better than the control freak OCD LOU 😉
I love the idea of de-expectating! I think far more people need to do this (including myself) and we would all be happier! Absolutely love your cobbler, I need to make something like this :)!
The world would be a better place with less expectations and more desserts 🙂
This is a perfectly timed post, as I just went raw. I need this.
Serendipitous! 🙂
First, the food. YUM! I have to try this! I bet it would be amazing with peaches too. 🙂
And yeah, letting go of expectations is SO hard to do. I know how that goes. We need to stop being such perfectionists about life 😉
If you start teaching a class about stop being life perfectionists, I will so sign up for it! And show up with raw Peach Cobbler for you 🙂
That will be after I learn JavaScript (it requires you to be a perfectionist otherwise it won’t work).
😉
The peach cobbler is pretty tempting!
Waiting for the JavaScript lesson now, too… 😉
Remind me in a few months 😉
Such a nice post! I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on “de-expectating” (difficult, but so essential for peace of mind; I agree…) as well as the delicious-looking recipe and photos!
So glad that you liked it, Allison! You are right–the difficult things are usually the most rewarding in the end. Sometimes I wish it were easier though… 🙂 xo
This is a really lovely post Cara – relevant for many of us I expect. It’s hard taking that step back sometimes and not getting caught up in judgments and plans and ideas about how things ‘should’ be!
This dessert looks great too 🙂
One of my favorite quotes is from a nun who put up this sign in her room:
“Today, I will not ‘should’ all over myself.” haha. I love that. Thank you for the comment! xo
this is a recipe made for me 🙂 i am in love with apple cinnamon flavoured dessert, oatmeal, cookies… I have been making a bunch of raw desserts lately and this one would fit right in to my new love for raw cuisine. thanks for sharing, the recipe is on my to do list for next week!
great and motivational words at the beginning of your post too!! sometimes only an inspiring sentence can help you think differently and change your mood and critical thoughts. You just need to put the energy into positive things and thoughts and the rest will follow…
What I would give to take one of your yoga classes… xo 😉
This looks amazing and I’d like some now for a late night snack, please 😉 My name is Cindy and I blog over at Vegetarianmamma.com I wanted to invite you to link up your recipe at our Gluten Free Fridays Recipe Link up party! It happens every Friday and we’d love to have you join us with some of your awesome recipes! You can find this week’s link up here: http://vegetarianmamma.com/gluten-free-fridays-recipe-party-2/
Also be sure to link up your blog on our Gluten Free Bloggers directory. You can reach the directory by clicking the “glutenfree bloggers” tab on our blog! Thanks, Cindy 🙂
Thank you so much for the invite, Cindy! I will be sure to check it out 🙂
wow Cara, this is exactly what I needed to hear today! Thank you so much for this glorious wisdom! I love the idea of de-expectating your life. I definitely need to adopt that principle. I need to give everyone, including myself, a little grace:) and that apple pie rocks:) – or should i say, RAWks:) haha cheese city over here:)
HAHA! Okay, I so loved the RAWks remark. Cheese is the city where I live, girl 🙂
Glad that this post touched a chord for you in the right moment. You are so correct–we really do need to learn to offer more grace to others but especially ourselves… Is there a class on that??? 😉
This looks like the perfect comfort food after de-expectating and dealing with the whole dating thing. Sometimes I like the neurotic side of me coming out. Mostly when my apartment is a mess and needs to be cleaned anyway 🙂
Best of luck letting go!
That is a good point, Elana! Our neurotic side can be helpful at times, in fact, the thing about our vice is that it usually is our strength just in overuse, right? So when you are getting neurotic next time, be sure to call me up because I could use a little light housekeeping myself 🙂 xo!
duuuuudde.. i need to de-expectate every day! i keep setting ridiculous expectations of myself:)
i have been pickick up a little let go attitude from hubbs, hopefully another few years and i should be as super calm and expectating just the right amount at the right time, as him!:)
I think we need shirts that read “De-expectate Daily”…or something like that. I need to work on that one 🙂
lovely, sweet dessert & equally sweet, self-loving sentiment. you rule girl. xo
Self-loving sentiments overfloweth. That is the goal right? Well that and eating lots of good-for-you desserts 😉 xoxo!
This has been such an inspiring post, both in te culinary realm and in terms of life in general. I know that as a type A personality, my ambition and desire to please others can be constant sources of unnecessary stress. I’m going to try my hardest to follow your advice and simply appreciate who I am right now….maybe while trying our some of your delicious apple crumble!
Hi ModernAlice!! So happy to hear that you enjoyed the post… I’m eating a bite of raw apple cobbler in your honor, wishing you nothing but gentleness and love to your self as you continue on your journey of peace and stillness. xo!
Aww, thank you so much!
What a great post Cara. One of the hardest things to do in life is just to let go and accept yourself, for all the goods and bads and then to embrace that. I think having expectations is something we all struggle with. How I try to combat it, is allowing myself so visualize what I want, but also to remember what I have and be grateful.
Lovely dessert- you are really churning out some awesome raw dishes!
I like that, Gabby–it’s a great way to keep balance by not depriving yourself from having goals and ideas, but to not forget what is in front of you and to remember to always be grateful. Beautiful! xo
GREAT post. De-expectating–I love it! It is amazing what you can get yourself all worked up about–it can be hard to separate expectations from what you really want or how you really feel. I am going to try what you suggest, to think the crazy thoughts and just say, Hi, I know you’re there, but I’m not going to react. It feels scary but I imagine, like a bully not indulged, the thought will immediately lose its power. Oh and I’m intrigued by this no bake recipe too–bookmarked:)
It’s funny how quickly my brain forgets things. I mean, I just wrote this freakin’ post this morning and then come this afternoon and I am on the crazy train of crazy thoughts and severe judgment for said thoughts. Choo choo. ha. I guess it’s a process right?! Let me know how it goes for you… 😉
Haha, so true:) I will keep you posted…have a great weekend.
We have a saying in the Cafe Gratitude community:
“Giving
Living
Loving
100%
with NO
expectation”
It’s often expectation that is in the way of happiness. When we let go of expectation and let the universe take care of the details, everything will work out perfectly.
You’re doing AMAZING with all your transitions, Cara! I really acknowledge your courage, your transparency, and your resilience.
YES! YES! YES! I love that saying. I think I am going to paint this tonight. Oooooooohhhhh, you have the inner artist in me so excited 🙂 And how poetic and true are your words–expectations get in the way of happiness. I love this comment so much! Thank you. And thank you for such kind and thoughtfully encouraging words. You are wonderful… xo
This looks wonderful! One question, if I live my life without expectations, how will I ever become Martha Stewart?! The vice-like grip I’ve had over my life so far has had me barreling toward this very thing without deviation for nigh on… Squirrel! So anyway, cupcakes are yummy.
When you figure this one out, you *better* let me know! haha. Squirrel 🙂 I heart you so!
Beautiful post Cara- but how do you just let go and let it be. For me I, know it is something I need to do and personally think I have grown in this area, but it is so hard – how do you let go of it all and just let what is meant to happen, happen without trying to control every aspect of the Journey? I really look up to and admire the people that are able to do this so easily – pratice makes perfect right?
…almost as perfect as this apple pie 🙂
Heather, I have no idea. ha! All I know is that letting go and being will look differently for me than it does for you. Right now, I am in the stage where awareness is all I have. I am aware of when I get crazy and when I judge myself. I have to trust that at some point it will decrease. Until then, it’s this horrible uphill battle that is glorious when you have a mere moment of brief victory. And I’m pretty sure that there is not one person who could ever say this comes easy for them. If so, they have tiger’s blood 🙂 Much love and awareness to you on your journey, my friend.
I will refrain from my movie reference of the day and just say that the apple cobbler looks delish!! {{hugs}}
Refraining from movie references shall NEVER be allowed!!!
xo
Ok, the truth is I had two and couldn’t decide which one. So, you get both:
1. Cara, stop trying to make de-expectating happen! It’s not going to happen!
2. De-expectating. It’s my new cool, hip word. Spread it around like wildfire.
2b. — This is gonna be de-expectalicious.
— No. It’s not a stick of gum. It’s just de-expectating.)
I really need to get out more. The apple cobbler still looks delish.
As I sat here reading this, I laughed so loudly yelling, “I love this girl!”
I know you will find it easy to believe that I was actually thinking of #2 while I was writing de-expectating 🙂 hahaha. Great minds!
Very easy to believe 🙂 Love you too!!
Wow. Your post has perfect timing. A lot of exactly what you wrote has been running through my head the last month or so.
Thank you for sharing and thank you for your honesty.
It’s my absolute pleasure, Dawn. May you find peace and acceptance within yourself, your circumstances, and your life. You have a friend in the journey… xo
Wow! Thank you for this post… All of it. I’m super hungry for apple pie now.. but more inportantly I feel really challenged to relax a little and embrace where I’m at. Which is not exactly where I want to be 🙂
I will make you this dessert as we relax in my backyard under the California sun. How’s that for embracing our circumstances? Yes, I could go for that as well… 😉
Smart woman, that Rose. It is incredibly scary to ease up on the controls and let events unfold around you. The truth is though, that no matter how tense and controlling you may be those events are gonna keep unfolding just as they like anyway and the only control you really ever have is whether to be open to them or not. <— Oh look! Run on sentence. hehe Anyway, lucky for us we never lose our ability to learn. I'm gonna try to learn me some no bake apple cobbler!
Love you. Check for me email, 'kay?
Amen to that, sister! I love this quote from a book that says something along the lines that you might as well open up to your demons now because they won’t go away until they teach you what they came here for. And even when you do finally learn, they still appear in your life but as friends and companions… What a strange thought. I thought perfection meant to rid of all the bad forever. Guess I was wrong… 😉 hehe xo!
So I guess they appear in your life, but as they’ve been neutralized they’re no longer a threat? Just kinda part of the scenery? Interesting.
And possibly become friends who pose as gentle warning signs as opposed to what seems like deathly threats? 🙂 Interesting indeed.
Very insightful, my friend. To be honest, I have another post I’ve been holding onto about how I have this expectation that things have to be ideal for me to be at peace with myself, when in actuality, that simply takes away from enjoying what I currently have. (But I try not to get too serious too often, you know.) 😉
Things might be rocky and uncertain, but that just means we have an opportunity to grow and find new ways to overcome those challenges. The good thing is that you’re never alone and you don’t have to do all of the work by yourself. I hate not being in control so, so much, but you can’t plan the best things in life!
YOU are the insightful one. Thank you for the beautiful words that provoked such thoughts!! I hope you publish that post soon because I would LOVE to read it. You already have me at the fact that said expectations “simply takes away from enjoying what I currently have…” I want to hear more!! xoxoxox
Oh, can I relate! I know I’d be so much happier if I gave up my expectations of myself and just enjoyed life – if I did not expect myself to be, look and act a certain way – If I could just be okay with being me and go with the flow. I think you are right – it’s a life long journey to get to that point. I’ve made strides, but there is a long way to go. I’ve done well giving up control and letting life surprise me. I don’t plan nearly as much as I used to. I just still have high expectations of myself and sometimes of others. Awesome post Cara. Really made me think 🙂
You are wonderful and lovely. xoxo
It’s funny how when I read that first sentence in your comment, I realized how even *that* is an expectation, isn’t it? ha. I relate to that intensely because I am convinced that if I do a, b, and c THEN I will experience happiness and peace. And maybe even ridding myself of expectations is part of the trap I have in my mind of placing contingencies on my happiness. Or maybe I am not making any sense and am thinking too hard about it? ha. Regardless, love how you have come so far already–I will be standing on the sidelines cheering you on! Go, Courtney, go!! xo
What a great post Cara! I am loving all the honesty and openness! (BTW, You totally inspired me to post something on my own blog this past week that was a bit more honest and revealing for me)
And as I said in my post too, I am like you, I HAVE to be in control. I don’t like feeling like I cannot making things be the way that I want them to be. It is hard to let go and be OK with that. I am learning that myself this summer. That and patience.
Anyhow, as usual another inspiring post with a deliciousl looking treat. I could gobble that up in seconds! Thanks Cara! You are amazing.
We are all getting naked and exposed over here, aren’t we? 😉 I love it. It means so much to know that there is this beautiful circle of women who are willing and eager to support each other in our lives. You really have been learning a lot this summer with so many changes! What a gift, truly. I’m so excited to see where this will lead you. Hopefully over to my house sometime soon for dinner 🙂 xoxo